Everything A Woman Needs to Know About Aging

And then some

Photo property of author, picture of author and her daughter

I taught college biology for many years. Did you know that men can reach their physical peak as late as age 39? Sadly, women tend to reach their peak by age 30 or younger. For many, the “aging” process starts as young as 25 (sorry to report this to the younger readers).

From the day we are born we are all getting older. That’s right, no one is getting younger. Try as we may, especially for those of us who are athletic warriors, it is difficult to admit that the song is true. “Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.” (Steve Miller Band)

We don’t run as quickly. Our reaction times slow. Our eyesight isn’t what it used to be. We don’t bounce back from injury or recover from fatigue as rapidly. We fight aging. We try to ignore it. We may even try to deny it. After all, if you’re like me, you still feel 36 in your mind!

It’s paradoxical.

The thought of living a long life appeals to most, but the idea of getting old appeals to no one!

As a child, we couldn’t wait for our next birthday. We looked forward to starting our mensural cycle. We couldn’t wait to reach 16 so we could drive; 18 so we could vote; 21 so we could legally drink. We couldn’t wait to fall in love, come of age, have a career, maybe have kids, own a home, and make a difference in the world.

When you’re 15 or 20, it’s hard to look 15 years down the road. It’s even difficult to do that for some at age 30 or 40.

We’re so busy bumbling through life, trying to get comfortable in our own skin, and struggling to gain confidence in our early years. It becomes impossible to get a vision outside the tight center of our world that we live in.

Exactly how old is “old”?

Well, that certainly depends on the age of the one doing the judging. When I took my daughter to kindergarten the first day a little boy ran up to introduce himself to my lovely 5-year-old and proceeded to ask if I was her grandmother. Geez! I’ve never wanted to slap a kid so badly as that day when I was 37!

Sixty can seem old to a 30-year-old, and 85 can seem old to a 60-year-old. Our definition of “old” changes as we age. And the concept of aging may vary country to country. While on safari in Kenya, my guide considered a person “old” when hitting 50!

So what age is the perfect age?

If you could freeze time, at what age would you choose to remain? A survey performed in 2021 by StudyFinds polled Americans aged 65 to 85. They found interesting results when asking that question.

The winner (40%) was age 36. Childhood came in second, age 6 (22%). And age 65 came in a close third (21%). Those surveyed indicated that by age 36 they felt they had some mastery of life skills and were more self-confident.

That same survey asked what age span was perceived as most fun and what age span was least fun. You may be surprised to learn that the most fun age span was deemed to be 60–75 (62%). The least fun was the age span of 40–55 (77%) due to the reported increased levels of stress caused by life changes during that time, as well as adjusting to the aging process.

Why is the aging process so stressful for women?

Other than decreased elasticity in the skin, less collagen, fewer sex hormones, decreased metabolism, deterioration of taste buds, sight, and hearing, decreased lung capacity, less bone density, and less cell regeneration, what could possibly be stressful?

It must be the loss of hair, or perhaps new hair starting to sprout from places unforeseen. Or maybe it’s the new wrinkles, or that our necks start to sag. Whatever the case, the aging process can bring stress.

Perhaps it’s the constant advertisements we see that shout at us to purchase all the products, operations, or drugs that can make us look and feel younger, slimmer, and more desirable. There seems to be a stigma on aging, especially for women.

No one wants to look old, but for some the aging process stings a bit more. If you’ve never had beauty, it’s less difficult to watch it fade. If you’ve never been athletic, it’s not as painful if you get dropped from a team for being a little slower. If you’ve never had a stunning physique, it’s not as frustrating when you can’t maintain those proportions as your metabolism decreases.

Certainly, aging is a period of change, especially in the “middle aged years.” But change can be good. Beginnings can be exciting. Unfortunately, change can also bring endings and loss, and many of these come during that dreaded age span of 40–55.

Divorce, losing a pet, losing a parent, losing a spouse, change of job, an unwanted move, or your house becoming an empty nest can be all be painful.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” — Kelly Clarkson

But those words don’t always ring true. Sometimes those changes do feel like they kill parts of us. And in the process of death, it hurts. Badly.

A new season.

Suddenly, or perhaps subtly, a season of life ends, and a new one begins. A familiar folk song was taken from the wisdom of the book of Ecclesiastes.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens, a time to be born, a time to die, a time to break down, a time to build up, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” — Pete Seeger, 1959

When there’s a change in our “season” it’s natural that there will be a time of mourning before the time of joy. Sometimes it just takes a while for us to realize that particular season is really over. We fool ourselves by trying to hang on.

What we’re really doing is delaying the joy that can come with a new season. Yet sometimes it just takes a while to get through the stages of grief as we watch our youth fade: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

Once acceptance occurs, we see that aging is just that, a series of seasons. And since when did aging become such a bad thing?

There was a time when aging brought respect. And there are still cultures where the aged are revered. Our society has geared us to fight aging in every way we can. We desperately seek ways to prevent aging. We strive not to show our age and, at times, even refuse to reveal our age.

Yet we are encouraged to “age gracefully.” I’m not quite sure what that means, but I think it includes not wearing miniskirts after age 65.

And it doesn’t seem quite fair that gray hair and wrinkles make a woman “old” yet make a man “distinguished.” But we all know life isn’t fair. Never was, never will be.

The perfect age.

So what is the perfect age? It’s different for each person. I loved 24, 30, and 36. These were poignant years of learning, growing, and adventure. But as I grow older, I am learning to love the age I’m at. Some days are easier than others.

My biggest fear in aging is that people will start to think I have less to offer. I am terrified of becoming replaceable or less valuable. Those types of attitudes are an insult to my dignity, and I realize I need to shut them out. Easier said than done!

I would propose that the perfect age is actually when you realize exactly how short and fragile life is. For a dear friend, that realization came when her child died at the age of 4 from leukemia. For me, it was when my husband died at age 27 leaving me with a 5-month-old. For others, it’s a cancer diagnosis or a debilitating accident.

Life is short, whether you die at 4, 40, or 84. Even if we live a long life, it’s but a short time in the scheme of things. We long to make a difference, to be relevant before it’s too late. Perhaps our time would be better utilized finding joy in each day and bringing joy to others.

The seasons of aging are gifts. Gifts to be shared. Gifts to learn from and to grow by. A time to discover the “awe” in life. Each and every season is a time to dream.

We are only old when we stop dreaming and stop discovering new things, experiencing new adventures, and growing in new directions.

Women,Aging,Life,Self,Society